Sigh. This whole decor thing for some.. 2-hour event is seriously spiritually demoralizing.. I feel drained. Like really really drained. Haven't had a good holiday ending.. not to mention any 'good' start for the new sem. I almost had to skip 3 days of classes because of SRC work. Which is equivalent to one week of classes, considering this short sem a 7 week semester, twice faster than long semesters.. I just wish to get over things at once. For once and for all..
I'll never take up anything such as decorating anymore. Seriously.. i rather do the paper work or be part of the planning if i have to. With decor, i just didn't know where to start, and hell.. my job scope keeps changing for the worse. doh.
I feel like i'm admitting defeat to myself. My brother once told me that i put too much effort on doing things which could be done in a shorter way, shorter time.. Or rather, trying to make things perfect or even complicated, that i don't even have time for myself. That, was when i was really busy with my assignments last semester. Heck, i didn't even have time for some breather. Assignment due dates keep coming one after another in laps of waves.. When he said that, i figured he was right. But i gave myself an excuse and chose in denial: all i did was worth it. The prove mainly being that my assignment marks are well above anyone elses (and also having a lecturer praised my group's work as up to FYP standard). And that was the only motivation that kept me going. Even if the assignment was only worth 10% of the finals.
After all, putting more effort than others isn't a bad thing isn't it?
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There was once i read on about virgo, and it said something along the lines of
Virgoans love to complain, but they still do it anyway.
Solely because, even under pressurized circumstances, virgoans are still perfectionists who think that they are the best in everything, thus rather finish up things themselves than having others to help them.
I don't deny most of the times during assignments, i am the one doing at least 60 percent of the job, having 3 or more people in a group. Often times i land myself into some tight schedule that i wasn't able to get enough rests. And then i bitch about what i had to do and all the unfairness.. Yet, nothing has changed a bit since the very first semester. Not even for SRC lol. Gosh, you know what, I just realised that i feel like i couldn't really depend on anybody with any of my work until that person is deemed to be better suited with the job than me..
Darn. When am i done torturing myself this way i wonder?
Need some good rest now. Good night.
