Ian's nickname somewhile back:
"Don't expect me to take the initiative."

Honestly, who would like to tell me: what can possibly be wrong/bad about being the one taking the initiative?

Because as far as i know, taking the initiative is the 1st step to solving problems/make things better.

...

That said, somehow i have difficulty understanding wholy the importance of taking the initiative in almost everything i do; Time and time again, i ask myself "why should i always be the one taking the initiative?".. Selfishness, vengeance, however you interpret it. But then again, i'll give in in the end. Again, and again, and again. Although, precious time are already being wasted away through hesitation. And i realised too how we might get so absorbed into thinking we're always the one taking the initiatives that we overlook what others have done too, even in the slightest way; That it only gets worse when you think more about it... ..

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I know better that i've changed somewhat from the past. But i know not if what changed me was because of intellectuality and maturity or if it was because of the surroundings.. A question that has plagued me ever since.

I come to realise that most of the time it's more of a struggle within myself rather than with anything or anyone else - and it gets a little frightening sometimes.

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Well. Shall stop before the thoughts get detrimental, especially when sleep is being compromised right now.