Torment to the mind.. is when 2 completely opposite feelings coexist at the same time.

It's not you want or you don't want.
It's you want AND you don't want.

wtf?

I can't help feeling like a goddamn switch, snapping my fingers to switch about which side is stronger from second to second -- only i don't have the controls to the switch.

On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. O.. 

An inconsistency i find hard to cope with myself. Rather, it tires me trying to figure out what myself wants.

Sigh.

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How do you forgive yourself when this coexistence affects people around you, emotionally?
You can't.